Special thanks to Bert Saraco of Express Image Photography for most of the photos used in this post.
Hello all! I am so thrilled because we’re about a week from Thanksgiving! That means this Mama’s going to stuff her face, surrounded by loved ones, and kick off the Christmas season with a guilt-free rounded tum-tum.
I am grateful to God for keeping my children safe, for the way these past few years have changed me and my attitude toward allergy living, and for this blog, where we get to share our struggles and triumphs and delicious recipes as well.
I can’t help but think about the first Thanksgiving we spent after discovering our son’s allergies. That year, about 5 years ago now, I was absolutely panicked! I worried that some allergen would get in his food or that he would feel left out because everyone else was getting to eat something that he wouldn’t. I worried I would offend family members by asking them about the specific ingredients in each of their dishes. I worried folks wouldn’t wash their hands after eating and would pick up baby Ben, and he would react. At that point, he was even reactive to people’s perfumes and laundry detergent (thank goodness those days are behind us now).
But I’ve spent the last 5 years soaking up wisdom (and having it inflicted upon me), and that’s what I’d like to share with you today. I hope this will be an encouragement to you and your family if you’re like I was, panicked about your little one’s ability to navigate a family Thanksgiving. So here are 8 tips for enjoying your Thanksgiving and family gatherings in a safe, but enjoyable way:
- Remember: the safety of the person with allergies comes FIRST.
You don’t need to feel bad for protecting yourself or your child. Ask those questions. Double check the food. Bring your own if you need to. It’s fun to eat delicious Thanksgiving food, but the time together with family is more important. Y’all—this was a tough one for me. Not because I wasn’t willing to do everything I needed to do in order to protect Ben, and later Caleb, but because I was consumed with anxiety over stepping on toes, making others feel uncomfortable or put out, or calling out family members for not washing their hands. But the truth is: my family would rather have us there and safe, than not there because they didn’t want to be inconvenienced over allergy concerns. You are wanted, and you are welcome. The people who truly love you will show you that. - Bring your epinephrine injector and/or other allergy medicines.
An EpiPen can literally save a life, so make sure you have it with you at all times. We also bring children’s Benadryl in case of allergic reactions. I have also stored medicines at my parents’, in-laws’, and sister’s houses in case we ever have an issue at these frequently visited locales. - Give your allergy list to your host.
It’s important for people to know exactly what you or your kids are allergic to. Giving them the list well in advance (and again closer to the date) gently reminds the host that there are allergy concerns and gives them a chance to accommodate the allergies in the cooking and preparing of food — whether that means trying to make something themselves or asking you to bring something. - Ask people to send you ingredient lists beforehand.
If someone in my family is making a new food I’m unfamiliar with, I ask for the ingredients to make sure it’s safe for the kiddos. - If you need to sit separately, ask your host for accommodations.
Especially when dealing with children, if there is an allergy concern and they’re too young to keep from grabbing other people’s food, make sure they are seated out of hands’ reach of someone else. This may mean that your kiddo sits in a high chair at the grown-ups’ table instead of the free-for-all, food-fight, how-do-you-have-mashed-potatoes-in-your-hair?! kids’ table. - Ask to prepare your or your child’s plate before everyone else to ensure serving utensils are not mixed up, to avoid cross contamination.
It’s incredibly easy to grab the spatula from the unsafe cornbread and use it on what had previously been the safe cornbread. Going first ensures that you aren’t accidentally getting a dose of unsafe food in your safe food. - Bring your own safe alternatives.
We do this all the time. I am doing this for my boys at my family’s Thanksgiving celebration next week. I know they love cornbread, so every year we make our own safe cornbread to contribute to the meal. I’m also bringing these safe sugar cookies for dessert. And this weekend we’re also going to a church potluck, so I’m bringing safe desserts like gluten free vegan chocolate cupcakes, and these pumpkin chocolate cookies. And when we’re going to events where we have no idea what the food will be, we make sure to pack our children’s food so they have something to eat, rather than going and hoping for the best. Even going to street fairs and festivals, we pack our food. At our town’s Winter Wonderland–the annual tree-lighting festival–coming up in a couple of weeks, my Hubs and I will pack safe kettle corn and safe hot cocoa for the boys to enjoy while we’re there. - If your baby is allergic to people’s perfumes and laundry detergents, bring a safe shirt/apron for would-be cuddlers to wear over their clothes.
Ha — as I’m writing this it sounds crazy, but I did this. There was really no other option. I didn’t stop people from holding Ben (who is a notorious cuddle bug), but I did give them an oversized shirt to put over their clothes if they wanted to hold him. The people who will want to cuddle with your baby and keep your baby safe will be willing to do so. Otherwise, you can politely tell them, no, they can’t hold your baby because he’s allergic, and that’s that.
In all of the above, it’s important to show grace. People who haven’t been put through the wringer, dealing with allergies on a daily basis, aren’t going to know the ropes like you do. There’s almost no way to get that knowledge other than by going through it. So expecting them to know it as well as you do somehow is unrealistic. Part of showing grace is not being afraid to speak up and share that knowledge with them, even if you think it’ll make you seem like a nag.
Lastly, when it comes to the other side of the equation: if you don’t have allergies, but are hosting someone who does, communication is key. Here are a few very simple questions you can ask regarding the person who has allergies (who may be too embarrassed to ask themselves):
- What are the foods you are allergic to?
- Are there foods that you are particularly sensitive to that cannot be at the meal? (For example, some people have such a strong peanut allergy that they can react even just from being around peanuts, without actually ingesting them. Others are perfectly okay being near allergic food, as long as none of it is accidentally mixed with their own.)
- Are there foods that you are particularly sensitive to that cannot be at the meal? (For example, some people have such a strong peanut allergy that they can react even just from being around peanuts, without actually ingesting them. Others are perfectly okay being near allergic food, as long as none of it is accidentally mixed with their own.)
- How can I make this meal safe for you?
- Do you need separate seating?
- Should I have antihistamines on hand in case of emergencies? If so, which ones work best for you?
The hardest thing for me when it comes to food allergies is the way they can separate people. When we first found out about Ben, I thought he wouldn’t get to go to friends’ birthday parties, wouldn’t get to celebrate Thanksgiving with the family, and just generally would miss out on so much social interaction because let’s face it—nothing brings people together like food. But allergies don’t have to separate people. With the right communication, you’ll find that people are willing to accommodate the allergies and will go out of their way to make sure you or your little ones are included. My sister is making a safe turkey using vegan butter instead of regular. My sister-in-law looked up safe dessert recipes and is making a special Oreo cream pie for my boys. My mother is making safe congri (Cuban black beans and rice) and yuca to bring. Our family members make sure to wash their hands after eating and before grabbing my kiddos because they want to keep the kiddos safe. The parents in the family make sure the little ones wash their hands before playing with their cousins. Loving family and friends are not put out by the extra caution! When people love you, they are willing to do what it takes for your safety.
So get together with your family and friends and loved ones! Enjoy your Thanksgiving, everyone, and God bless!
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